madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9/10/01 As defined in Websters Random House Dictionary, the word �resolve� means this; Resolve, v. - 1. To come to a firm decision about; determine. 2. To settle or solve (a question or controversy) 3. To dispel doubts, fears etc.. 4. To make up one�s mind.
And this is exactly what I�ve done. Or, at least, this is exactly what my mind has done, and its only my body that needs to follow suit. (I�m still heading for the scale first thing in the morning) I have reached a place of resolve, regarding the scale. I�m starting serious weight training beginning of next week, and I have a feeling this will make my relationship with the scale even more strained. (Or so I�ve heard) And you know what? I don�t care. Not like I�m going to rush out and eat large quantities of pizza, I don�t care. But more like - I�m going to continue eating healthy, continue exercising, and continue to improve my health. And I don�t care what the scale is trying to tell me. Because I�m going to be building muscle, which is heavy. And my body shape is going to change, but the scale won�t reflect that. And basically I�m sick and tired of stressing about it. Not to mention that the people in my life are sick of hearing about it. Every day a co-worker, a friend, or my husband asks, �What�s wrong?�. To which I reply, for the hundredth time, �I haven�t lost any weight in 3 � weeks.� And then they just look at me like I�m such a dork because I�m so obsessed about it. And then I think in my head, �Gosh Heather, you�re kind of a dork for being so obsessed about this.� And then they usually say something to the effect of, �Get over it already!�...only they say it much nicer than that. And I think to myself, �I�m such a loser for being so upset over this.� Which brings me back to the point I was trying to make last week. Which is, if I�m so devastated by my NOT losing weight, isn�t that the same as being devastated by me being FAT!? And if so, isn�t that the exact thing I was trying to get away from when I started this venture? I do, however, wonder how people like Fred - have never seemed to hit a plateau? This is puzzling to me. Because his whole theory, �move more, eat less� theory has been one that I whole-heartedly subscribe to. And I believe that, despite a few minor indiscretions, I have applied in my own life over the past 9 months. Yet here I am, sitting on the same 3 numbers on the scale day after day, week after week. And, I have continued to push myself with my exercise - another one of Fred�s theories. I may have started with a 5-minute stroll around the block but that sure as hell ain�t what I�m doing now! My little hikes in the woods are up rocky hills, and down steep paths for 3 � miles. I�m usually drenched in sweat when I�m done. And then there�s the step aerobics, which is equivalent to 5-mile an hour running...which I�ve been doing about 45 minutes in one session. And, trust me, I feel it in my calves later. Although I haven�t taken up extensive weight training (yet) - I do lift weights for my shoulders, arms & back 3 times a week. You�d think that would count for something! Yes, I�m usually a �the proof is in the pudding� kind of girl. But I must say that I�m pretty stumped about this plateau. And this brings me back to my resolve. Because, basically, there isn�t a damn thing I can do about it - so I have to keep keepin� on, and hope for the best. And with regards to people like Fred, all I can say is - lucky, smug bastard. Uh, I mean, good for him & more power to him! (Hey Fred, I like the t-shirts btw...) So, here I sit. Me, and all my resolve. It either means one of two things; that I�m RESOLVING to stay at this weight forever, (NOT!!!) or that I�m RESOLVING to change the things I can, and accept those which I cannot. (In this case, a plateau) I hope it�s the latter... Now, I have a question for anyone out there who does Tae-Bo. I�ve started the instructional video, to try and master the moves before going on to the Basic tape. Onto my question, which is this; Does anybody out there do the jumping part? You know, near the end of the video, Billy takes a wide stance and shows you how to jump straight up & down and then says something like, �This will help you perform all the moves in the videos to come blah blah blah...� So, after I�ve successfully (in my mind) completed the instructional tape, and I�m feeling pretty good about the whole Tae-Bo thing, he throws in the jumping part at the very end. And I�m standing there thinking, �Shit. I can�t jump up & down like that.� The little voice in my head tells me to try it anyway, and after about 4 jumps I about keel over in pain. My boobs are bouncing with a pinching agony on every downbeat, and my knees scream out in torment. I turn the tape off, totally bummed. If I can�t do the jumping part, which I�ve seen them do in the Basic tape, can I still perform the moves correctly? Are there any big girls out there doing Tae-Bo? (Robyn can you hear me?!) Please, I need direction and advice here! E-mail me!! I�m what you call a food-snob. 12:52 p.m. - 9/10/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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