madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/1/02 I�ve never been much of a person interested in the cruder, more animalistic side of human nature. Let�s take flatulence for instance. When I pass wind, I do it in private whenever possible, often leaving the room to do so. If I�m in a situation where I cannot escape either; a) quick enough or b)without disturbing the trapped gas, thereby releasing it - then I always politely say �excuse me� and embarrassingly apologize for the offending odor. I - unlike my husband - do not lift up a butt cheek and use my abdomen to forcefully extricate the gas in order to produce various methodical sounds. Nor do I laugh afterwards. Nor do I lift my leg and do a little dance when standing on my feet, in front of friends. Neither do I fart under the covers so my spouse gags and suffocates by the noxious aroma. (I always lift the bedspread FIRST - just because its simply WRONG not to!) Aside from flatulence, I�m sort of �polite� about other bodily functions as well. I don�t spit. I don�t cough up phlem and hack it out. I�m not the kind of person who looks - you know, in the toilet after they GO- either. I�m just not. As you probably guessed, my husband is a looker. He said he often plays the game with himself called, �What did I have for dinner?� - something I�m still completely mortified by. Yet he is not alone in his strange fascination with stool. I have a friend who is completely intrigued and will happily discuss color, shape, sizes, smell...you name it. And not a tidbit of color passes her cheeks when she does....it amazes me. I thought - at first - maybe this was just a male thing. After all, my mother has always been pretty couth about such issues. And omigosh - I�ve seen men do things (i.e. sniff their own armpits while standing at the busstop, close one nostril and blow out the other into the gutter with no kleenex in site...) that made my toes curl. My boy cousins used to revel in grossing me out in some stinky way or another. But my father and my brother were never like that - taking pleasure in bodily functions. They were both very subdued and modest about these things. So I don�t think its just about men in general. Maybe it�s the difference between the way I was raised, and the way my husband was raised? I mean, you�d never see my husband �adjusting� his privates in public or hawking up something and spitting on the ground or going more than one day without a shower. But there is something about flatulence - no, not just flatulence, - there�s something about bodily functions that he finds perfectly natural, joyful even. A joy that I don�t think I�ll ever be able to embrace. Or will I? I saw my surgeon this morning for a 2 week post-op check up. He checked my incisions - which are virtually completely healed already, and asked me how I was doing. You know the drill - he pushes on your abdomen and says, �Does it hurt when I do that?� �How about this� �Take a deep breath, does it hurt now?�. Luckily my answers were �No� to every question! :) Then, just when I thought he was going to declare a clean bill of health, he grabbed a pen and started to diagram a situation that he wanted to explain. He told me that when he went in to remove my gallbladder, he still couldn�t find the offending stone. He ultra-sounded all of my ducts leading to my pancreas, liver, gallbladder, etc. - but never saw the stone. He said that often what happens, is that the stone will roll back up into the liver as the patient spends more time in bed. There�s nothing he can do about it, and he can�t ultrasound the liver to check for it. Then - in time as the patient becomes more active- (meaning days, weeks, months or even years) the stone will decide to leave the liver and roll back down into the common bile duct, thereby causing all the symptoms I had when I went to the ER in the first place. I sat there, kind of dumbfounded. Basically he was telling me I could have the same exact thing happen to me again which would require an ERCP, which might result in pancreatitis, which might land me in the hospital again. Aside from pain - the obvious symptoms will include dark urine, white colored stools, jaundiced skin and severe chills/fever. I just sat there - trying to absorb this information. I felt totally down to hear this. The doc looked at my sullen face and said, �Oh, but don�t worry - there�s also a chance that you just passed it and nothing will ever come of it. I just want to make you aware of the possibility.� Then he left the room in a jovial mood - leaving me with this tidbit of info - �Oh - and by the way, you�ll never grow back another gallbladder!� he laughed. Gee....thanks. I thought. Anyway, the one thing I realized as I was driving away from the appointment is that I�ve now crossed a line. I now *officially* have to be a P & P looker!! (poop and pee) Will I ever get used to peering into the toilet bowl to check that everything is as it should be? Hmmmm... I don�t know. Will I start to play the game - �Guess what I had for dinner?� as a way to lighten up the experience? God I hope not. After all - I have to be a P & P looker for medical reasons only - so I should still qualify as a civilized, polite and lady-like member of society. Right? 2:36 p.m. - 8/1/02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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