madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/17/01 I didn�t weigh myself all weekend, and it was such a relief. I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders, I felt great. I exercised hard both days and stayed within my calories 6out of 7 days this past week. I only had refined sugar twice - one Twix bar on Friday, and 2 chocolate covered pretzels on Saturday night. That�s it. Overall I�d say this is the best week - eating wise - that I�ve had since October. I felt proud of myself. And then I weighed in this morning. 1 pound lost. one single, stinkin pound. 1 It was very discouraging. I�ve given it my ALL this past week, bringing my calories back down to 1500-1600 - the way I was in the beginning of last year. I ate quality foods, not crap, not sugar. I exercised faithfully, and I have been exercising faithfully for a month straight now. It was frustrating to see my reward - 1 measly pound. It also means that I am not going to make my goal of 265lbs by this Friday, another let down. But then, this is what life is about - lessons. I�ve never been a particularly patient person. All my life I�ve been handed situations in which patience was the final lesson to be learned....and my stubborn bull-headed self fought kicking and screaming the whole way...Let�s just say I�ve failed those �patience� tests many a times. As a kid, I was the one who asked, �Are we there yet?� a hundred times on a short trip to the store. As a teenager, I never wanted to wait for anything. Instant gratification was my middle name, and I whatever it was, I wanted it NOW!! As an adult, I�ve had many lessons in patience. Waiting in an airport for 6 hours with lost luggage... Sitting in a traffic jam on the way to a job interview, in the middle of August, while I desperately try to keep the sweat from ruining my makeup, my hair... Being sick, ravaged with infection, waiting for 3 � hours in the Emergency Room be seen by a doc who says, �Ya, you are sick.�... Waiting for the test results of my �abnormal� cervical smear... At what point as an adult do you just learn to recognize the value of patience, and apply it to your life? Is it something you learn? Is it something that certain people are just inherently born with, while others are left to huff and puff about things? I am a person who doesn�t waste time. I�m what you call an efficient Virgo-type. If there�s a job to be done - I access the situation, devise answers, develop a strategy, and get it done with no messing around. I�ve always been that way in my professional career. When my boss approaches me with a task, I take it to hand and I complete it - without question. But this weight loss is different. I can�t control the factors. No amount of perfection seems to matter. I can�t control the scale. I can�t make the numbers move as fast as I want them too. I do everything right and watch the flatline...and no amount of adjusting alters the outcome. I feel like a fish out of water, gulping for air... I feel out of my element here. And so the patience must come. I must learn to be thankful for how much I�ve changed and for each little gift my new body offers me. I must glorify the easy climbing of stairs, the quick pace of my step, the fullness of a dress once too tight to wear. I must exalt each of these little joys and make them worth the effort I spend every day. Because if I don�t, I�m going to go crazy. 1:10 p.m. - 12/17/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||