madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/12/01 I must confess I wasn�t as successful with my middle-of-the-night eating last night. A serving of cereal w/skim milk was in my mouth before I was even awake enough to say NO! Pathetic, I know. BUT- on the good side - I promptly wrote down my indiscretion in my food journal and subtracted it from today�s total. And, I�m going to try again tonight... I�m doing well though....heading into 3 perfect days of exercise and staying within 1500 calories. Yep - you heard me - 1500 calories!! Its been months since I�ve done that. To be honest, I am hungry. I�ve felt more hunger in the past two days than I�ve felt in months. Every time I feel particularly hungry I say to myself, �Hunger is good! Hunger is your friend!� While inside I�m saying �Fuck hunger, man! I�m not supposed to be hungry two hours after eating!!!� I�m a nerd, I know. Really, I don�t know if being truly hungry like this a good thing or not, but I feel desperate to reach 265lbs by December 21st. I�ve got to give it my 100% for the next 10 days or I�m going to be disappointed in myself. Its only 10 days, I think I can do this for 10 days. And if on the 21st I step on the scale and weigh 268lbs and I know I�ve given it my all....then I�m not going to beat myself up over it. While in Wyoming, I will officially be without a scale for 9 whole days - the longest time I�ve ever been without a scale. Last night as I was drifting off to sleep I envisioned myself stepping into a doc�s office or a gym & asking if I can use their scale... Like I said, I�m a nerd. Actually, in truth, I�m looking forward to the break from the numbers. Its going to force me to use my food journal and my exercise as the tool to maintaining over the holiday instead of jumping on the scale 4 or 5 times a day. Plus, I�d better get used to it. Because when I start the Body for Life Challenge, I�m giving my scale to a friend for 12 weeks. I�m not stepping on it - even once. (I know, i know, you are like - Hasn�t she said this a thousand times before!? So I went out searching the web for inspiration last night. It helps me keep my mind off snacks that are calling my name... and I love to see people who are succeeding. But dammit - I hate fishing through the �dead� sites to get to the good ones... Have you noticed that there are basically three types of diet sites? First, you got those people who are consistently losing weight, updating their weight chart, keeping a fairly updated journal, and have posted a few pics. They seem to put a little effort into their site and they are doing well. Second, you have those sites that you�ve run across 100 times before and they�ve only updated twice in the past year, and then just to say �Ya, I�ve been eating like a pig but I�m starting over! Today is a brand new day and I�m going to do it this time!� Then you go back 3 months later and they haven�t written anything else or updated anything. Or you go to their Pictures page and they have one single shot of just their hand...petting a dog name Skippy. Puleeeaaasseee.... Thirdly, you have those that are the �Staple Sites� of weight loss. They�ve already lost all or most of their weight, all the transformation pictures are there for our viewing pleasure, and they sometimes (or not at all) update their journal pages to let people know they are still alive, still maintaining. Usually these people don�t have the time to update their site...because they aren�t fat anymore! They are actually out LIVING their life!! Its these staple sites that I go to when I�m feeling particularly down, and I can�t seem to find inspiration anywhere else out there. These are the people who have already made it - they are living the dream...they are the proof in the pudding. These are the sites make me recognize I cannot deny the truth: It IS possible, and even someone like ME can do it. I hope that my site is one of those �staple� sites someday. p.s. If cool whip is made out of corn syrup and hydrogenated vegetable oil.....what is fat free cool whip made out of? Air? Inquiring minds want to know.... 1:09 p.m. - 12/12/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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