madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/11/01 One night down, two hundred fifty five thousand to go.... Remember? I wasn�t going to eat in the middle of the night last night, and it went a little something like this. I finished eating dinner around 7:30pm - a baked balsamic & herb chicken breast, a side of lemon asparagus, and exactly one serving of mashed potatoes. I ended the dinner with a single piece of chocolate. An hour passed, my thoughts turned briefly to more chocolate. I fought back the images. My husband dragged me to the store. I watched him pick out a pint of Haggen Daz, a box of Chicken in a Biscuit crackers, a jar of hot fudge, bananas, and a bag of frozen tater tots. I clutched my Amy�s Organic frozen vegan enchilada and a can of black beans with a death grip - dead set on leaving that store without a candy bar. Funny - we actually went there to buy an alarm clock, since ours went kaput a few days ago. I hate the store that way. You go in to buy a newspaper and come out with $50 bucks worth of groceries! I�m always like, �HEY!? How did that happen!?� Then we went home and I watched him build a gigantic sundae....something that Homer Simpson would be proud of. The smell of the hot fudge was intoxicating...but I ignored it. Just like I ignored the clinking of the spoon on the bowl filled with ice cream and bananas and fudge... But I held my ground....determined to stay within my calories for the day. I busied myself with my painting...sure that my creativity would distract me. (Did you know I�ve been commissioned to paint a picture for a lady who saw my work recently? No? Well, I�ll tell you about it later.) Eleven o�clock came and I went to bed....after winding my new alarm clock. (Yes - can you believe he made us buy an alarm clock that WINDS?! Like I don�t have enough things to put my energy into! Now I have to wind that fucking clock every 28 hours or it won�t tell me the damn time!!) I feel asleep after repeating this mantra, �Honor thy self promises. Honor thy self promises. Honor thy self promises...� Time passed. I woke up to a gnawing feeling in my gut. The clock said 3:14am. I swung my legs out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom.... I peed and thought about my hunger. It was real this time, not just a head hunger - but a body hunger. Almost 8 hours without food is a long time...I rationalized. My stomach growled as if to agree. I finished in the bathroom and bee-lined it to kitchen. Opening cupboards, my mantra suddenly came back to haunt me - �Honor thy self promises!!!� I backed away from the pantry. I couldn�t eat now, I just couldn�t. I had to do what I said I was going to do... I opened the fridge and peered inside. Milk! I never said I couldn�t DRINK anything, now did I? Nope....perfectly within the bounds of my honoring my self promises. Two giant gulps of skim milk, and my hunger subsided. I went back to bed. Mission accomplished. So, like I said - one night down and two hundred fifty five thousand to go... :) 1:09 p.m. - 12/11/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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