madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/16/02 I did a Leslie Sansone walk-aerobic w/weights video this morning that I haven�t done in a long time. And at the end of it, 45 minutes later, I only had about two beads of sweat on my brow and I wasn�t even winded in the slightest. Its amazing how far I�ve come cardiovascular-ly. But then, I guess hauling around 100 less pounds might have something to do with it too, eh? It really got me to thinking about what�s next. I�m in this strange �in-between� land of fitness. I�m still too fat to run, to jump around (like they do in most advanced exercise videos) or to bounce up & down at all without killing my knees, and I must admit that riding a bike is still (even with an extra-wide seat) very painful after about a mile. But at the same time, I�m too fit to get much benefit from low-impact exercises like simple walking or my walk-aerobic tapes. Even my step aerobic tapes are becoming easier, and I have to add a module to my bench to make them challenging now....which, unfortunately, also hurts my knees. I do like to walk outside, but in order for me to even break a sweat I have to find some serious hills, and I have to walk for more than 45 minutes. I don�t always have time for that in the morning. Yes, I know, all this is a good thing. But I tell ya, it�s a lot easier to burn off calories when you are heavy. So all you fatties out there who are dieting but holding off on the whole �exercise� part....get your butt out there and do it! You�ll burn off calories just walking to the dang corner and back. I wish it was still like that for me. But I won�t complain. wait...I already did that.... Anyway, I�ll stop complaining and be THANKFUL that I�m able to walk 45 minutes without being tired or gasping for air like I used to be. I feel good today. I�ve felt pretty darn good so far this week, and I�m keeping up on my food journal each day. It feels very re-assuring to be slipping back into my old habits. Exercise in the morning, eat a healthy breakfast, count those calories, you bite it you write it, walking on my lunch break, pizza - two slices only,.... Each one of these things holds power for me. And although I have enjoyed breaking free from them for a time, I�ve also had a renewed sense of appreciation for these tools. Its made me know that I come back to this place and feel safe and comfortable and proud of what I�m doing....no matter how far I stray. Being back at this place of comfortable, old-good habits has also made me think about where I want to be a month from now. October was the last particularly good month for me, weight-loss wise. I set some real goals for myself and then really pushed to meet them. I lost 10 pounds in October! Then I spent November and December kind of stalling out....going through the motions, doing a lot of whining and spinning of wheels and dragging of the feet. Where do I want to be next month, February 16th 2002?? 1 or 2 pounds lighter? Or 8 or 10 pounds lighter...? Do I really, in my heart, want to work hard enough to get there? Am I willing to put in the effort, the hour-long daily exercise sessions? Am I willing to resist the temptations, make good choices when I want to make bad ones, and do all the things it will take to reach my goals? Am I mentally ready to stand firm in my decision when I�m faced with a buffet of food at my husband�s birthday party, at a bar when everyone else is swigging cocktails and having fun, or when I�m depressed and want chocolate? In my heart, today, I say yes. So that�s the way I feel. I�m starting my own personal challenge. I�ve reached that critical stage when �The Pain of staying the same is greater than the Pain of changing.� I desperately want to feel my clothes getting looser again. I want to notice new bones, and discover new muscles. I want someone in my life to notice that I�ve lost more weight again.....and say so. I want to feel pretty and confident and powerful again. I need to do this for myself. Now, of course, The Virgo in me has to be reasonable. I don�t think that 10 pounds in the next month is very realistic for anyone at my current stage of weight loss. So I�m setting my goal at losing 8 pounds by February 16th, 2002. It�s a lot. Its two pounds a week, and I haven�t lost that much for months. But I�m willing to work for it, I�m willing to give it all I�ve got.
1:14 p.m. - 1/16/02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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