madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/13/01 I NEED A NEW STEP AEROBICS TAPE!!!! Please, for the love of the Goddess, won�t some out of shape, sorry old sod make the decision to donate one of their tapes to my local Goodwill!! And please do it ASAP!!! I think if I have to hear the same comments made by that perky little 20-something, or see one more damned ponytail bobbing with excitement to the same, tired muzak I�m going to just puke...seriously. I�m so bored with my exercise I feel like crying, I really do. And I�m still too lazy to get my rear out of bed at 6:30am to go to water aerobics. (I don�t have to be at work until 10:00am) Besides, although I do love water aerobics, its just not as challenging as hefting my own body weight around. I always get out of the pool and think, �I could�ve used another 20-30 minutes at least.� It leaves me wanting more, and smelling like I used a chlorine-scented body wash. That smell just doesn�t go away either...no matter how much you scrub with soap. I hate that. So...there is still my bike. Did I tell you the story of my bike? Well, my hubby is a bartender, and I was sitting down there waiting for his shift to end one night, when he introduced me to a customer. Evidently, she was really fucking happy to meet me...or she was quite drunk...either way she seemed ecstatic to get acquainted. She said she had heard so much about me, smelled and even tasted some of the food I sent with Thomas for his lunches, and was thrilled to finally meet the woman Tom called his wife. Granted, she was totally loaded...but I still appreciated the enthusiasm! We got to chatting about life, I mentioned my weight loss efforts, and told her I�d lost about 95 pounds. At this she became completely silent and just stared at me with a look of �awe� on her face. I immediately counteracted the statement by reiterating how far I still had to go, how heavy I still was. But she continued in this completely speechless state until the silence between us became awkward. She bowed her head and just shook it from side to side, still unable to form words. I started feeling a bit embarrassed by her reaction, and I didn�t know how to take it. It wasn�t until she raised her head again and looked at me, that I realized her eyes were full of tears. She embraced me suddenly, caught me off guard, and we both almost toppled off our bar stools. And then she wasn�t speechless anymore. She talked and talked and talked. She told me about how she�d struggled with her weight her whole life. (Although this woman didn�t look more than maybe 5 pounds overweight at the time.) She had a husband that beat the shit out of her regularly, only to be followed by an abusive boyfriend, and a horrible 10-year drug addiction that left her homeless and wrecked. At her lowest point, in the gutter somewhere, she made a decision to kick her habit and change her life around. So she did....and the weight started to pile on. She got pregnant. She gained a lot of weight with each pregnancy, and carried it around for years. She managed to raise two kids as a single parent and finally met a man that actually took care of her the way she deserved. She punctuated each story of her life by pausing to give praise and kudos on my weight loss. She said that after everything she�d been through, losing weight had still been the most difficult thing she�d ever done. I told her about my dreams to finally be able to do all the things I haven�t been able to do for years. I wanted to go out on a little fishing boat, to fly in my dad�s home-built airplane, to ride a roller coaster if I wanted to, to sit comfortably in a restaurant booth, to ride a bike again. I told her that When I lost 125 pounds, I wanted to buy a bike for myself as a reward. I detailed my childhood, and the freedom I had on my bike....the long rides by myself through my neighborhood. I told her how the freedom of riding a bike was like no other, and I couldn�t wait to feel that again. She listened intently, but when I told her about my dreams of riding a bike again, she began to hang on every word. She took my hands, (which normally might�ve been awkward since I hardly knew her, but she was so nice and had already gave me the biggest hug anyway...) she cupped them in her own, and said this. �I have a beautiful Cannondale bike. I�ve been wanting to give it to someone special. You see, I have M.S. and I can�t ride it anymore. My feet slip off the pedals, and I don�t have the same motor skills that I used to. I�m afraid to ride it. Now I know we were meant to meet each other here tonight. I want to give my bike to you.� I himmed and hawwed and double-talked all over myself. No! I couldn�t just take her bike! I had to earn it somehow, I had to pay for it. Of course she just sort of chuckled in a way that let me know there�d be no such arrangement. Her husband cleared his throat at her, for the fifteenth time in the past hour, letting her know he was ready to go. She�d had quite a few drinks by now, and was beginning to slur. She managed to say, �I�ll bring in my bike tomorrow, and it will be yours. I�m so proud of you & all you�ve accomplished!� I hugged her, a bit teary eyed myself, and said goodbye. She waved at me from the doorway, and her husband led her down the steps outside. It felt unreal, and yet I was so excited at the prospect of this beautiful gift. Then, my Virgo-self reminded me that she was pretty drunk, and there was the possibility that she�d have no recollection of this tomorrow. So I waited, without any expectations. The next night my hubby called me from the bar to say that she had dropped off the bike for me. He said it was probably about 10 years old, but still in fairly good condition. I hung up the phone and ran down the hill, through the park to the bar to see for myself. The bike was there. She had kept her promise to me....she remembered! And so, through the kindness of another, I�ve been rewarded with this gift. The frame is sooo light - I can pick it up with a two fingers! But I need a new �bigger� seat, new tires, fenders (because of the endless Oregon rain), and a tune up. Some of the chain appears to be a bit rusty too, but its probably something that can be fixed in a bike shop. So now, I await the funds to mend it, and make it my own. I also feel a bit freaked out about riding a bike at this weight. Doesn�t 273 seem a bit heavy to be riding a bike? I don�t want to fall and crack my hip or something....maybe I�m just being a baby. So...I have a new strategy for getting my arse out of bed in the morning to exercise. I�m going to start by going to bed @ 10pm. If I fail to get up the next morning to exercise, I�m going to go to bed that night @ 9pm. If I don�t get up again, I�m going to go to bed @ 8pm....and so on. I am SOOO TOTALLY NOT KIDDING either!! I figure I can only sleep so long, and if I�m in bed by 10pm, then 6am is 8 hours of sleep right there. That should make getting up at 7:30am a breeze. Stay tuned & I�ll let you know how it works 1:05 p.m. - 11/13/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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