madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/25/01 What a weird time it is, in our United States. I try not to freak out about anthrax, about the possibly of a smallpox epidemic, about more terrorist attacks, about war. I steer clear of the newspapers, but still get snippets of conversation between co-workers about it. I turn off the t.v. and focus on my painting instead....but my eyes fall on a newspaper with the headline, �Another Anthrax victim falls to their death�. I click on the internet to read my favorite site, and the home page defaults to new coverage on the New War... Sometimes I feel like a kid with her hands over her ears, yelling �LA LA LA LA LA LA LA�, trying to block out the noise of the media, the violence that�s all around me. But there really is no escaping it. I don�t really want to escape it. But I DO want to escape it. It�s a paradox, I know, but I can�t help feeling both of these ways. Part of me needs to know what the hell is going on in our country, with our men in uniform in foreign lands, with the future of our nation. The other part of me wants to keep blinders on, like a horse in downtown traffic.....so as not to get spooked and freak out. So every day I just try to focus on doing good things for myself and my family, and every night I pray for a peaceful solution, for safety. My promises have not been kept this week....not all of them at least. I�ve totally wimped out on riding the bus to work each day....and drove in the 1.8 miles like a fool. I have managed a few lunch-walks, but so far only 2 days this week......I�m not discouraged or anything....just being honest! I have stayed out of restaurants, and I have listened to my body �signals� this week. I still have 6 days to go, and I feel confident that I�ll see 275lbs very soon. I wish I had more to say, but I just plain don�t. I have a topic floating around in the back of my mind for tomorrow....it just hasn�t come into fruition yet. 1:00 p.m. - 10/25/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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