madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/1/02 I gave it 20 days, which I think is a fair shot considering I was OP most of the time. But the bottom line is, that I'm just too hungry on it. A majority of my daily intake was carbs...which seemed to only make me hungrier. So by the end of my week of being OP, I'd sabotage my efforts by freaking out and binging until I was sick. This is not a good sign. I haven't done that since the old days. And this weekend was by far the *worst* binge I've had in ages. By Sunday night, I was just begging for someone to put me out of my misery. Monday morning when I woke up, my mirror reflected back this bloated, dark-circle-eyed woman who looked the part of a couch potato. That was when I decided to say goodbye to WW for good. Now, I'm not saying this couldn't have happened while counting calories instead of doing WW. But I recognize that feeling...that constant, gnawing hunger in my gut.....from when I was starving myself on The Diet Center diet. That feeling makes me irrational. It makes me feel so deprived that I just snap and eat without reason. I'm serious! I'm a true believer now that everyone's bodies are different, and not every diet is suitable to every individual. And on my 3rd day of going back to counting calories, I've felt more satisfied and in control already. So, I'm taking what I've learned from WW and I'm going to apply the good stuff to my calorie counting. WW helped me realize that I don't eat enough fiber at all. (I'm sadly deficient in the calcium department too.) The little journals are a handy tool for keeping track of water, fruits & veggies & milk, so I'm planning on still using them. Overall, I think WW is a great, healthy program and I'd recommend it to anyone. But its not for me. And I'm REALLY glad I didn't have to officially join & pay for the materials to find this out. (thanks to a kind reader:) Of course, now my co-worker is trying to convince me to go on Atkins. She is a true-believer! (There are actually a lot of true believer's out there.) I don't really have one opinion or the other, necessarily. I mean, its obvious from my trial with weight watchers that I do better on a higher fat, higher protein diet. But every person I've been in close contact with when they were on Atkins, had something negative happen to them physically. They all lost weight, but they all got weird pains or illnesses while they were on it. And so far, 2 out of 3 people gained all the weight back, plus some. Its interesting watching someone on a very strict diet like Atkins. While their losing weight, they often seem to be in a state of complete denial regarding their well-being. (I know - because I've done that before.) Sure, my co-worker has dropped 23 pounds in the past 6 weeks. But you should see her! Most days she's pasty white and sucking down Pepto-Bismol because of the chronic nausea she has. (Of course I'm sure it has nothing to do with her diet.) And its gotten to the point where she barely eats anything at all. Most days she drinks a big pot of black coffee with cream in the morning. Lunch is a protein shake, sometimes a salad with vinaigrette dressing. Dinner (so she tells me) is a steak, a chicken breast, or a piece of fish drizzled in butter sauce. Hell - anyone could lose weight on ANY diet that only supplied 900 calories a day! She looks ill. And she's complained of her lower back aching. I can't help but wonder if its her kidneys. She's constantly telling me how much energy she has and how great she feels...all the while she drags herself around the office, yawning. I've tried pointing out that the body does need some carbs to live...but she shrugs me off. True, she is getting thinner...there's no denying that...but I wonder at what price? Its amazing what we do to our bodies when we want to lose weight. We can become completely obsessed and single-minded, disregarding the basic, essential needs of our person. Eating only protein. Eating only fat. (The Fat Fast) Eating only carbs. Eating only raw foods. Anorexia. Diet shakes. Laxatives, bulimia, liposuction, wrapping our bodies in saran wrap and exercising until we pass out...Weight Loss Surgery - man oh man - now that's something I don't think I'd ever consider. Especially after having surgery in July...I can't imagine ELECTIVELY having surgery to re-arrange my innards. Whew! That is such a drastic measure. Who knows what will happen 10 years down the road to all the people who've had WLS. I mean, the influx of people having WLS has dramatically increased - even within our own hospital - in the past 5 years. Our surgeons are scheduling almost a year in advance right now. People are just lining up for it. I just wonder what happens later on down the line, 20 years from now when all the people who had WLS are growing older and their bodies start naturally breaking down. Is it just me, or am I the only one wondering what happens then? Anyway, I'm just going back to the good, old-fashioned calorie counting and exercise. Its been a long time since I was faithful to journaling, drinking water, and really watching my caloric intake. I think it will pay off if I do it consecutively and without fail. Well, I'm not SURE, sure that it will pay off. I mean, look at Robyn. 2 months of intensely hard work and only 1 � pounds gone....that has to be enough to drive a person to drink. But, like I told her, she just HAS to be getting smaller no matter what the scale says. I only weigh about 20 pounds more than her and I'm still wearing a 26/28, and if I remember correctly, she's in an 18. TEN SIZES difference people! I'm starting believe that the scale was actually created by the government as some kind of mental torture device for women! Of course, I'm the first one to jump up and down when the scale says I lost a pound. Geesh!! 2:41 p.m. - 10/1/02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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