madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Laminaria, hypnosis & reality October 17th, 2003 It�s been a long time since I wrote, I know. I�ve considered disappearing from this site like so many others do who aren�t the vision of success, but I know I shouldn�t. I�ve gained more weight, totaling a 22 pound gain since May. I know it�s not the end of the world. At least this month I only gained 2 pounds!! Right?? I know it�s crazy to think like that, but I keep imagining it will slow to 1 pound gain and then zero, and then perhaps the scale will start moving in the other directions as I make better choices. Baby steps. baby steps. I�ve done a couple of things I said I would never do......first, I went and had hypnosis for weight loss. Aside from my hair-loss product purchase, this is the most money I�ve ever spent on myself for anything. So � if you know me at all � you know I was totally freaked out by the idea of getting ripped off. But � if you know me at all � you�d also recognize that I�m sort of at the end of my rope. A long time ago, someone told me that unless I dealt with the reasons WHY I was fat, the reasons WHY I emotionally ate, that no diet would ever work for me. I scoffed at them. I assumed that I had somehow �risen above� these problems and I�d never experience them again. But I�ve done some major soul-searching these past months and the �WHY?� question keeps resurfacing inside me. Why do I feel the need to eat until I�m sick and dizzy? Why do I down 2 slices of pizza while waiting for the bus, and then go home and eat dinner - just so my husband won�t know I ate the pizza?? Why, when I�m so unhappy about my clothes, my face, my weight gain, do I find myself buying a pint of Ben n� Jerry�s & scarfing it in the alley in secret before going home at night?? See � I don�t think these things are normal. In that, I mean that healthy people at a normal weight don�t do things like that. And then I started to really ask myself, - would I ever be successful long-term if I didn�t somehow *pro-actively * deal with these issues? Or would I find myself successfully �dieting� short-term only to gain it all back in the end? I guess this is why I ultimately chose to try hypnosis. It is the �final� frontier for me. It is the only place I haven�t searched for answers so I figured, what have I got to lose? (except $250 bucks) Being hypnotized is weird. During the session I hear and take in everything around me � the music, the suggestions, the hypnotist. But afterwards, I have a hard time remembering anything that was said and I always feel a little disoriented. And at some point during the session, I always have tears � big, fat crocodile tears. It�s not like I�m remembering anything specific, it�s just like this emotion wells up inside of me and I can�t keep myself from crying. Now that I�ve had a couple of sessions, I noticed a pattern. It is usually when the hypnotist talks about stuff like, �You deserve to be happy. You are a good person.� or �Look at your name � that�s your name. That name stands for all that you are, for all you�re unique talents and gifts. You are a unique and special person and you deserve to be healthy....� etc. For some reason I have a lot of stuff tied up with the whole �You deserve/You�re a good person� phrase. Anyway, after my first session I went home and binged until I passed out!! I listened to the tape every day for a week � and I binged every single day that week!! It was awful!! So I called my hypnotist and said �HELP!! I can�t stop binging!� She said that the suggestions must be triggering internal rebellion and that she knew an 85-year old psychic, hypnotist who she thought could help me. She thought she could work with me on a deeper level and offer suggestions that wouldn�t trigger internal rebellion. She was less expensive and easier for me to get to by bus. So...reluctantly...I made the appointment. I went to it last night after work. It was a hard session. When I left there I felt incredibly disoriented, exhausted, and very sad. I�m still not sure what to think about it all. I will listen to the tapes of last night�s session this whole week and see what happens. I�m not expecting miracles here, but it would be encouraging if I found some motivation to at least lose the weight I gained and get back into healthy living again. I know this post is becoming a novel, but I have to tell you the other thing I did. I got suckered into buying Laminaria Extract off the internet. It is a seaweed extract that supposedly stimulates the thyroid and helps with weight loss. Chinese herbalists have been using seaweed to help with weight control for centuries. I figured I didn�t have much to lose (but $30 bucks!!). The bottom line: I haven�t lost any weight, but I also haven�t followed their suggested �diet� plan either. The one thing that has astonished me, was a side-effect I never expected. After 3 weeks my depression has completely resolved! I don�t feel giddy or deliriously happy or anything. But I don�t feel that crushing, suicidal depression that I�ve been feeling the past year. One weekend, I forgot to take my pills for two days & by Sunday night, I was crying again and totally depressed. Monday I took my pill and felt normal again. What does this prove? Well � I�m not sure. But my doctor�s have been telling me for years that my thyroid is �Low, but within normal limits so we can�t treat it yet.� Considering that I feel A TRILLION times better having my thyroid stimulated pretty much lets me know that my depression is probably caused by my thyroid. Fuck the medical profession, man. FUCK THEM!!! All this time I�ve been needlessly suffering, thinking about offing myself, just so they could �follow their fucking guidelines�!!! When did they stop treating a patient like a person, and start treating them like a number that either falls or doesn�t fall �within normal limits�???!? It makes me so angry I could spit. So for now, I guess I have to keep taking this stuff as long as it helps with my depression. It pisses me off too � because thyroid medicine is SOOOO cheap (like $4.00 a month) and is covered by my insurance. Now � about Laminaria Extract by Nature�s Way...listen to this: I posted my comments about the pill on a forum at (http://www.diet-pills-forum.com/Laminaria_Extract/ )- it is a forum for discussing diet pills, but mostly Laminaria is the main pill discussed. The day after I posted on that board I was banned from the board and my post was erased!! I didn't even put a negative post on there, but I did say that the return policy is a total scam. It took me 14 days to get my pills, and it would take 14 days for the company to get them back - thereby eliminating my 30 day money back guarantee!! (They count it from the day you order, not the day you get the pills...cheap ass bastards.) So - if you're going to buy them, then don't ever count on seeing that money again. Anyway, it made me really mad because I realized that forum is probably run by someone at Nature's Way - the company that sells Laminaria Extract. They erase any bad comments and ban people from coming back to squeal on them....that way a new customer will do a search for Laminaria Extract and read all these great comments and buy the shit. (that's how I got suckered in, thinking the forum was legit.) ANd I DON"T CONSIDER MYSELF A SUCKER!!! And I also don't have money to throw away!! So...consider that before you believe everything you read on the internet. 12:49 p.m. - October 17, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||