madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9/12/01 Hate mail. I never thought I�d get any of that on this web site, but lo� & behold, I�ve pissed a few people off with my comments about Bush yesterday. I even had to delete a reader, Heidi, from my notify list because she didn�t want to be associated with me anymore! (bye bye Heidi & thanks for the good times) It saddens me, because I cherish my readers who make the work on this web site worth it, and who have always been so encouraging and supportive. Heidi, I will miss you. So, there are a few things I want to clarify for all the rest of you readers. First things first - I don�t know squat about current (or past) events in history. Why? Because I�ve never been interested in it. I don�t even watch the news, read the newspaper, or check the weather channel. Why? Because its always about this pedofile raping this child who lives in this neighborhood (which may happen to be 3 blocks from my own house), or this graphic murder, or this assault, or this accident that wiped out 20 people who were trapped in a fiery bus, or this new deadly incurable disease... I can�t stomach the news. And I truly believe Dr. Andrew Weil is right when he suggests in, �8 weeks to Optimum Health� that in order to live a healthier lifestyle, we should all take fasting periods from news of any kind. I don�t even watch the weather anymore. Ever notice that you watch the forecast only to be repeatedly disappointed by their false predictions? I, myself, just wake up in the morning, step outside, take a deep breath, and look to the sky. That�s all the forecast I need. So, in saying this, I�m letting you know that I AM very ignorant when it comes to politics. I�ve chosen to be. The only thing I know about Bush (or any president) is the way I feel when I watch them speak. I actually watched Bush a lot during the elections, and a few other times this year. You know what I feel when I watch him speak? Vulnerable. Embarrassed. Angry. The last few times I�ve watched him address America, I actually blushed with embarrassment that this was the leader of our country. I felt humiliated that this man, was representing our country, representing ME!! And I can�t tell you why I have these feelings, except that he comes across (to me) as unintelligent. And my fear is that other people (terrorists) will feel this too, and then act on it. Hence....my flippant comment yesterday. Each of us forms our own beliefs based on our personal experiences and what we have learned. Our beliefs, be them spiritual, political, or familial, are all formed and manifested within ourselves because of what we know. I�m going to use Fred as an example, because he�s someone that most of you may be familiar with. Fred is the perfect example of the manifestation of one�s own beliefs. He does not believe in plateaus, therefore he never has one. He does not believe it excuses, therefore he makes none. He does not believe weight loss to be a struggle, or fight, therefore it is easy for him. This man lives as if he is already at his goal weight, therefore he will be. Fred has manifested his beliefs in his own life based on what he holds to be true to him, based on his own experiences. I use Fred as an example, but mean to show that this is a concept which I believe is true for all of us. Take me for example. I am not a political person, but I know how I feel when I watch the leader of our country represent me. Based on my experiences, I have formed a belief about Bush, a reality if you will. And the reality, for me, is that I don�t have full confidence in this man (or those working with him) to keep us a peaceful, productive and powerful nation. This is my belief, based on my own experiences which stem from my own feelings. And as I allow each of you to have the freedom to express your beliefs in whatever form you wish, I ask that you please allow me the same privilege. (Although, in the future, I may not use this site as a way to vent about some of those �touchy� issues...you know, abortion, politics, spirituality.... don�t even get me started!) Yesterday�s events has a way of putting things in perspective, doesn�t it? Just yesterday at this time, I was whining about my little plateau....how trivial, how banal. There are so many I thought about this last night as I drove through the empty streets of the city at 10pm. Usually there are lots of cars, and teenagers in the park, or young couples walking their dog - taking in the night air. But last night was eerily quiet, which is strange for Portland. A bus passed me, nearly empty with exception of a young kid in a fast food uniform impatiently waiting to get home. Downtown was deserted, and nearly every business was closed. I went to visit my husband, while he was tending bar at our local tavern. I walked in to find him sitting on one of the bar stools, watching the t.v. There wasn�t even a single customer in the place. I rushed over to him and embraced him tightly -feeling thankful that he was there, alive. He hugged me back and I sat on the barstool next to him. We turned our attention to the t.v. The footage was horrible...people running, screaming, building collapsing, airplane ripping apart the Trade Center, cement dust billowing, blood. I reached down and grabbed his hand, gave it a squeeze. He squeezed back. We watched more camera footage of people crying, coughing and choking from smoke and dust, people leaping to their death from that building. But that, believe it or not, wasn�t the worst. Because then they showed the Palestinian people celebrating in the streets, after being shown this tragic footage of the Americans dying. They were laughing and dancing, rejoicing. They were saying �Die American pigs....more should�ve died!� They were fucking throwing candy. I got up and told my hubby I couldn�t watch anymore. My vision blurred with fresh tears. �I know, its terrible.� his own eyes were misty as he kissed me goodbye. I drove home with the images of Palestinian�s celebration over innocent people being slaughtered still fresh in my memory. I felt so angry. The irony of it all, is that when I�ve seen footage of wars in other countries, even when America is involved - I feel sad. I feel terrible that innocent people have to die - no matter what race. I don�t go in the streets and have a fucking parade and throw candy!? It just boggles my mind, the senselessness of it all. And it gave me perspective. Not one single time last night did I think about weight-loss, plateau, diet, counting calories, the scale. No, instead for a change, I was just happy to be alive and well...all fat, sassy 289 pounds of me. I was thankful for my husband, friends and family. I asked to Universe to ease the pain of those who have suffered the loss of their loved ones, and to keep us all safe. For those of you, who would like to be removed from my notify list e-mail me. Because the last thing I want is to instigate hate! That�s not what I�m about. 12:54 p.m. - 9/12/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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