madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/27/01 Today is my birthday - 28 years ago my poor mother had to deal with excruciating hours of labor in the sweltering August heat. I don�t think August is the best time to have a baby....ug. I was born prematurely - actually I was INDUCED prematurely. Yes, you heard me right. Evidently the ONLY ob/gyn doctor in town had to go on a golfing vacation, so he induced my mom before he left. Nice. Anyway, the sack around my lungs was still intact. (This is actually supposed to break before birth, so the baby can breath real air outside the womb) So when I was born, I couldn�t breath. I guess I didn�t breathe for several minutes, and the docs informed my mom & dad I would suffer brain damage. Mom said it was one of the only times she�d ever seen my father break down and cry. But I got lucky. I turned out just fine for the most part, except for a few quirks here & there. I think this is the stuff lawsuits are made of, nowadays. That doctor should�ve had hell to pay. But that�s the thing about Karma. You just sit back and let the Universe work things out.... I didn�t post very often last week. As I�ve said before, August is a tough month for me. I�m doing the work of 2 � people right now. And since I don�t have a computer at home - I�m stuck to write my entries at work. Anyway, have you all been holding your breath for my weigh-in this past Friday? Dum Da Daaa..... here it is! Yes, I know, all that excitement was too much for me too. Funny thing is, I�m not stressed about it. I knew I�d basically pig out & celebrate the whole last two weeks in August. And I have. But even if I don�t lose another pound, it will still be about 7 or 8 lbs this month....which is good enough for me. My birthday party on Saturday was amazing...it was beyond words. I was stunned, literally overwhelmed by the generosity and the outpouring of kindness from my friends. I felt blessed to be surrounded by these beautiful, talented, and supportive people. I felt so loved, so special. Most of these people I have known for 10 years, from Wyoming. We�ve grown and changed together. We�ve married and some have had children, or bought houses, and we�ve watched each other shift from wild college students to adults with responsibilities. My years as the �baby� of the group have come and gone, as a younger generation entered. I�ve seen my girlfriends� faces change from girlish youth to the refined beauty of a grown women. I�ve noticed the laugh lines around my own eyes, and the occasional gray hair stubbornly pushing its way through my scalp. I�ve seen these people change around me, as I have changed. Despite busy work schedules, school and clients, we�ve somehow all managed to stay close. There is an effortless connection between us. These are friendships that make no demands, that require little work to function like a well-oiled machine. Being around these people feels natural, comfortable, the way a worn-in pair of jeans can feel like a million bucks. Knowing their past, as they know mine, only brings depth and understanding to the group. These people are my other half, my family. They are an intrinsic part of me that I cup in the palms of my hands, and marvel at like a lightening bug caught at dusk. I�ve felt very thankful and blessed the past few days. I take this feeling with me to bed at night, to tuck me in, kiss my forehead, and tell me that everything will be alright. Thank the Gods for my friends, because no one at work has even said so much as �boo� to me today. (much less a �happy birthday�) Today actually being my birthday, you�d think at least ONE of them might say something. Now I cringe at the thought of baking cheesecakes at midnight for my co-worker for her birthday. I obviously shouldn�t have went to all that trouble....since nary a peep from her today. And now that I look back over the last 1 � years I�ve worked here, its usually me who facilitates the birthday cards, the balloons, the cake. Well, I shouldn�t pass judgement really. The two people I KNOW won�t forget my birthday aren�t even here yet. But they rest of these bitches can expect nothing so fancy as a can of spray-cheese from me next year. No more staying up til midnight fashioning fancy desserts and running out to the card shop for balloons and flowers in rush-hour traffic. Fuck em�. Well, appearance-wise, I�m still at a standstill. (in my opinion) A few friends commented on the differences on Saturday night, but I�m not so sure. The mirror hasn�t been very kind with me lately. So of course, I went and did something drastic. I chopped about 3 inches off my hair and lightened it a bit. Its soooooo �buster-brownish�, and very short. I guess I�ll just have to get used to it now. The good part is that it looks a bit thicker now, and I�m enjoying the illusion! And as far as my appearance goes, its all about patience. And since I have none, I have a feeling this is going to be painful... !!! :)
12:46 p.m. - 8/27/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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