madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/4/02 Those of you on my notify list might be reading some of the same stuff today, as those of you who aren�t....so this is your warning to skip the parts you don�t want to hear. So, first things first, I�d like to report that I my stomach was STILL too big to sit in the damn airplane seat without a seat belt extender. I did, however, have my own that I brought with me and didn�t have to ask the flight attendant. Who...might I add....was barely present during our entire flight. They�ve been replaced by these little t.v. screens which show the safety features of the airplane, and they are seen again for about 2 minutes while they dole out little packets of pretzels and cupfuls of soda. I remember flight attendants who would check seatbelts, offer pillows and blankets, find magazines if you happened to be missing one from the pocket in the seat in front of you... They used to say, �Thank you for flying Delta� as you walked out of the plane, and they greeted you upon entering... Times have changed I guess. Speaking of which, my ass and hips are still really f-ing big. On the first plane, I sat down between the arm rests relatively easy. But on the second plane (which was also a jet) I had to squeeze into - my hips smushed against the arm rests. It kind of pissed me off. I thought, �What the hell?! I�ve lost 100+ pounds and my ass is STILL too big?� And then this guy sitting next to me, on the second (and longest) flight, kept getting irritated because my leg was leaking over onto his space. Never mind the fact that he sat with his knees 4 feet apart from each other!! I couldn�t squeeze my legs together any more than they were...so I just tried to lean towards the window as much as possible and ignore him. He kept huffing and grunting until he finally brought his right leg up to his chest and pinned it between him and the seat in front of him. They he held it like that for about 45 minutes, until you could see the muscles in his thigh quivering... When I noticed his obvious exhaustion, I said, �I know - these seats are really small. I�m sorry if I�m invading your space, I can�t really help it. � To which he replied, very snottily, �Obviously you have to be a small child to sit here comfortably. I shouldn�t have to touch anyone else�s body...there�s just something wrong with that.� I suppose he�s right, but what the hell else was I to do? The actual flight was better than I remembered two years ago....my back wasn�t killing me the whole time which was nice. But the security checkpoint crap totally sucked!! Damn those terrorists! They�ve totally taken the �ease� out of flying. The line at the Salt Lake City airport at 8:00am was mind-boggling. There was literally a sea of people as far as the eye could see awaiting to be searched. Unlucky bastards... I guess the highlight of my trip - at least the weight-related highlight - was my arrival in Billings. In case you didn�t know, they no longer allow un-ticketed guests to go down on the concourse anymore. So if you are planning on meeting a friend or family member when they get off the plane - you have to wait outside the security checkpoint. Personally, I do like this - because it gave me a minute to go to the bathroom, fluff my hair, put on a little lipstick and gather my composure. So I get off the plane, do my little bathroom thing, and I head for the baggage claim area. Its located on the first level of the airport, and a long escalator connects the two floors. I approach the escalator, and look down. A crowd of people have gathered below, and I quickly scan it to see if I can spot my parents. I step onto the escalator and slowly ride down....expecting someone to start waving at me, or yelling in my direction. I�m clearly disappointed when no one does. �Crap!�, I thought, �My mom must�ve been shopping and forgot about me...or got stuck in traffic or something..� I get to the first floor and a camera crew is suddenly in my face, asking all sorts of questions. I do the best I can to answer - although I�m completely pre-occupied by the fact my parents aren�t here to greet me. And then, just when the reporter asks me something about the security, I see my parents off to my right - smiling their heads off at me! I can�t help it, my eyes keep wandering over to them - and I think the reporter recognized that it wasn�t going to be a fruitful interview and she cut it short. Needless to say, I didn�t make the evening news.. Once free from the camera, I rush over to my parents - who are beaming at me. My mom exclaims, �We didn�t recognize you!! We saw you coming down the escalator, but we didn�t think that could be you...� And then my dad gushed, �You look great! You look really good Heather! I just saw you in May, so I didn�t expect such a difference!� and they both continued in this manner for the next few minutes... Trust me, when your own parents don�t recognize you - its pure heaven. And there�s nothing in my life that has compared with this feeling. I felt like a million bucks encased in a solid gold box, studded with diamonds...etc... The second best feeling on my trip was the welcome I got from my relatives on Christmas Eve. I think this was more from the fact that they hadn�t seen me (some of them) in 10 years...not because I looked skinnier to them. In fact, I�m sure I was bigger and older and less funny than the last time they saw me... ha ha! Aren�t we all, you say!? Anyway, the only way I could�ve gotten a warmer welcome was if they laid out a red carpet and carried me through the front doors! I was smothered (in the good way) with hugs, kisses and hello�s for the next 30 minutes....and then off & on for the next 12 hours! :) It was wonderful. All the kids are grown and have kids of their own - what a trip!! I�m old!! So...on the �diet� front (and I use that term for lack of a better one) I think I did pretty good while I was home with the exception of that infernal fast food joint known as �Taco Johns�. They don�t have those out here, or I�d probably be 111 pounds HEAVIER than I am now. I�m not kidding, there must be crack in their nacho cheese sauce, because once you have it - you gotta have it again and again. I went back 3 times while I was there for their large order of potato ole�s (little round, deep-fried potato nugget thingy�s) topped with nacho cheese and sour cream. Thank the Universe I don�t have access to those here in Portland...I�d be in big trouble. But mainly, I ate a really healthy breakfast every day, and I worked out on my parent�s treadmill almost every day too. The one thing I noticed is that I never ate during the night - not even once while I was there. I wasn�t drinking hardly any water, so I never had to pee in the night. Maybe that�s why I never ventured to the kitchen in the wee hours...? All I know, is that I long for a treadmill now. Its become all-consuming thought. I�ve searched the papers, scanned the garage sales, asked friends and co-workers to keep their ears open for one. Last night I actually dreamt I went to finance one at Sears and they wouldn�t because they said I already was too far in debt. Geez, was that my conscious talking or what!?? I WANT A TREADMILL!!! oh, and did I mention I wanted a treadmill? p.s. treadmill - me - want If I could have my way, I�d also have cable too. Because that was totally awesome at my parents house to be working out on the treadmill while watching the Food Network�s cooking programs! (Closed captioning, of course) I was completely enthralled and absolutely distracted enough to barely notice my by the way - Way to go Robyn!! I�m like holding my breath to see her results on Monday.... Boy, this entry has been a lot like Seinfeld, the show about nothing. So I�m off for now. Don�t expect a weigh-in until January 18th. I�ve actually stepped on the scale a few times - only to be bitterly disappointed. I think I need to physically give it to my neighbor until the 18th, because I obviously have no self-control... 1:12 p.m. - 1/4/02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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