madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/30/02 I took one day off exercising yesterday (my first in 8), and of course the scale went up this morning. (I told you I�d hate that scale soon) Oh well, I�m not totally freaked about it or anything, it just kind of pisses me off. I only ate 1850calories yesterday - not too bad. Must be salt consumption or something. I do know, that I�m really starting (okay starting is an understatement).... Let me say, that I�m really DESPISING my stomach roll and all this extra skin. I�m still wearing a size 26/28 bottoms!! And I can�t wear any shirt shorter than 30in in order to cover my tummy. Ya, its getting smaller around, but it still hangs there - like dead weight off the front of me. Its soooo frustrating. I know I could wear a 22/24 top if it weren�t for my stomach. Boo Hoo!! You�d think after losing almost 115 pounds a person would be able to fit into a smaller pants size!?!?!? Aaarrrrggg.... And then there�s the whole �movement� thing. In the privacy of my own living room, I perform little tiny hops, kicking and such when doing my aerobics. But in the real world, I�ve caught myself in the glass of merchant�s window, and I�ve seen jiggling....lots of it. The skin is soft and squishy like bread dough and can be folded and manipulated in whatever manner I choose. I think I could gather up my belly skin and put a pony tail holder around it!!! (God, I�m grossing you out.....sorry) I am miserable with this stuff hanging off the front of me. And I soon wonder....after losing even more weight...how I�m going to be able to cope. Two, three years of work to lose this weight and I�m going to be deformed anyway. Its so unfair. Plus, my insurance company won�t pay for anything weight-related. My doc said some insurance companies will pay for a tummy-tuck if the patient is experiencing extreme depression or hysteria over the extra skin. Or - they�ll pay for it if the patient is getting frequent, incurable rashes from the bacteria under there... So, I guess I�m off to daub blue cheese under my stomach flap so I can see if it gives me a rash.... (kidding of course) In reality, I�ve actually managed to clean out that scary, Freddy Krueger basement and my hubby moved the weights down there. I may just go and do my first lifting routine tonight after work.... Uh huh! Ya - baby - ya! :) :) January 31st, 2002 The scale is up again - to 263!? But you know what? . I FEEL FINE I FEEL MORE THAN FINE I FEEL FUCKING AWESOME!!! Okay okay, so I just had a cup of I�ve been keeping my food journal faithfully - I bite it, I write it.....everything. That� means all those little bites, licks, & tastes too. And I�ve been exercising a MINIMUM of 6 days a week, at least 45 minutes a session - with intensity, mind you. I haven�t been skimping in the intensity department. Onto another matter.... Quite a few people wrote me, asking for the links to the anorexic site, and/or the Fat Lady site from the pictures above. I�m in a state of debate. Because the internet is basically a free-for-all, an open book to the public, I feel like everyone has the right to access any website they choose. However, if they have a tracking program on their site, like I do, they will be able to tell that you are being referred through my site address....and that doesn�t sit well with me. I�m not sure I feel totally comfortable being the person who sends a bunch of overweight people to an anorexic site. It just opens up the doorway for some potential negative shit to come down. You know? Okay - well, as far as updating my photo page goes, I have another twist in the *boring, snore* story of my computer. It doesn�t work. My parents sunk a good $600 into it, but my computer-tech-pro friend said that he thinks its been moved too much, and he�s not sure what�s wrong. So...until I either a) get it fixed or b) borrow my friend�s scanner I have no new pictures to post. It really bums me out too, because I feel like that page is incredibly stagnating. I hate it when people don�t update their pics on their sites.. 1:51 p.m. - 1/30/02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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