madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/4/01 I felt so strong today doing my exercises! I added another step module to my stepping platform and cranked out 20 minutes of that. It was intense! Then I went outside and walked a 16 minute mile for a cool-down. My legs were shaking the whole time I was in the shower, and my leg muscles were �sparking� & twitching. It felt soooo good. Then I chugged a protein shake and had a serving of oatmeal before walking to the bus for work. Its days like this that I think I�m really going to make it. I�m not sure, exactly, where �it� is. I see so many people very close to their goal weights and they are obsessing over it! Hey - you know what? Listen to your body! If its very simple and comfortable for you to maintain your weight at 145lbs instead of the 135lbs that the charts say - fuck it! Are you healthy? Are you muscular? Are you strong and proud and happy? Why fight and fight and beat yourself up over ten pounds, or 5 pounds, or 3 pounds!? I know a lady who�s 4 pounds overweight and she obsesses over it! I know, its all relative, and if the 3 pounds is making you feel fat - then get rid of it. But the fact is, she�s been 3 pounds overweight for almost 10 years....at what point do you just accept that her goal weight isn�t found in some chart hanging on a doctor�s wall? Hence, I don�t know when I�ll be comfortable in my body. Ultimately, I�d like to see 175lbs again, so that�s been what I�m shooting for. If I lose more than that - great. If not - I think I�ve come pretty damn far and I�ve got nothing to be ashamed of. My calorie consumption for today has been ridiculous. I ran across a website today of a girl who was posting everything she ate for the month of December. Not that unusual for weight loss websites, I guess. But �omigawd she�s posting everything she eats! How brave!� was what came to mind. Then I briefly entertained the thought of posting my eating for each day...and I CRINGED.. I mean, I really freaked at the thought of sharing with you all the crap I eat. Then I realized that being ashamed of what I eat perhaps is a little CLUE that I�m not proud of the way I�m eating. I should be able to share my food journal with you and set a good example. The truth is, I do a lot of nibbling. Especially on the weekends. I�ll maybe eat one real meal on the weekend, and spend the rest of the day munching on various nibblely things. I will share with you last Saturday�s entry for an 1 bagel w/ cream cheese topped with � cup of scrambled Egg Beaters 1 chicken breast 1 slice pepperoni pizza 1/4 glazed donut (from the grocery store freebie offerings) 4 crackers & � oz cheese handful of popcorn (about � cup) 1 malted milk ball 1 cup of yogurt 1 string cheese 2 tbsp hot fudge ( i hate my husband for bringing this evil stuff into the house) 1 light coconut granola bar 2 tbsp peanut butter Oh my, I really didn�t do well this Saturday, did I? It amounted to something like 2100 calories too... Sometimes that Step Jam class I take makes me really f-ing hungry ALL day long. And instead of doing the intelligent thing i.e. - eating a decent full-sized, balanced meal after my class - I usually just nibble all day long. Its times like this that I wonder if I�m ever going to make it.... 1:08 p.m. - 12/4/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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