madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/19/01 AAARRRRGGGG!!! I�m just speechless. I�m totally fucking pissed off at this! It may not seem like much of a gain to you....only 1.4 pounds. But it�s a BIG DEAL to me, because on Friday I was fluctuating between 271 and 272 and heading down. I now weigh exactly the same as I did 4 weeks ago - it feels like a month was just flushed down the toilet. I know I�m not supposed to freak out about the scale - but I worked my ASS OFF this past week! NO MOM - I�m not close to my period. NO - I didn�t eat a bunch of salty stuff. NO - Its not a bunch of muscle that suddenly found its way to my legs. NO - There�s nothing wrong with my scale. Fuck this man! I really put a 100% effort into this past week and there is no logical explanation for the scale. Worse...it only said 274 yesterday and I somehow managed to gain a pound overnight.... nice. I�m sorry, but I�m tired of being a slave to this damn scale. I am sick and fucking tired of it!! I can�t do it anymore. I�m chucking the damn thing out the window! From this day forward, I�m going to weigh myself once a week - and that�s it. I spent ALL DAY yesterday trying to figure out how I could�ve gained 2 pounds since Friday... I worked out REALLY hard at my step class, I watched my calories, I drank plenty of water. When this morning came and I was up yet ANOTHER pound, I just flew off the handle. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY???? There has to be answers... So I sat down for a quiet moment, just me and my food journal. I counted the number of days that I�ve stayed within my calories (1500 cal) since October 1st. You know what it said? Six times. 6 times in the past 7 weeks have I stayed within my calorie allotment. Now, in October - this didn�t seem to matter since I lost a good 10 pounds anyway. What is the difference now you ask? I�m not sure, but I have a few educated guesses. So I searched in my journal for reasons why. Exercise was one of the culprits. Sure, I�ve done gangbustas this past week, but prior to that I totally slacked off. One week I exercised 4 times, and the next week 5 times - but with minimal effort. That could explain some of it. I�m not sure why I�d be showing a gain 3 weeks later, but nevertheless, its still a valid point. The other thing I noticed? I�ve been eating more processed foods now than ever before. I�ve started to slack off in the home-cooking department, and I�ve been substituting frozen meals & canned soups & Wendy�s chicken burgers for at least one of my daily meals. In addition, the winter has really made my fruit consumption come to a complete halt. About a month ago, I bit into Finally, the last tidbit of info I pulled out of my diet journal, was one I didn�t want to face - but it must be acknowledged. I�ve been eating too much sugar, and I�ve been eating in the middle of the night. It started in early November when I allowed myself to buy candy at work - eating only half of the chocolate bar, or half of the Junior mints box. I figured, no harm done, right? I just count the calories and move on. But I noticed that the urge for sugar would come back to haunt me....and I�d often get up in the middle of the night to consume something sugary. I don�t really keep sugary foods in the house, so I�d eat a bowl of my husband�s cereal - Lucky Charms, or half of a peanut butter and honey sandwich....or Eating in the middle of the night has been something I�ve done off & on my whole life. I�ll go through stages of doing it for months, and then I�ll just quit for a months....no rhyme or reason to it. When I first started my diet - almost a year ago - I was eating heavily in the night, every single night. It was a comfort to me somehow...I can�t explain it. But every morning I�d face the music and write down in my journal everything I�d consumed, and subtract it from my total calorie allotment for the next day. This way I never gained weight from it. Now I noticed if I eat in the night, I either tack the calories on to the night before, or I don�t count it at all. I haven�t been eating ALL the time, I�d say about 3 times a week. But that can really add up and have a negative effect on my loss. Anyway, I * Exercise, 6 days a week 45-90 minute sessions * Grains and fruit for breakfast * Healthy lunch with protein and salad or homemade soup with whole-grain bread * An afternoon snack - a healthy one, not candy! * Homemade dinner centered around protein, fresh vegetables, and a single carb side-dish * A single serving of healthy dessert When I started, I used to follow this pretty closely to the letter...and it worked really well. Now I know I need to go back to this for awhile, and be very strict with myself. I�m just not looking forward to the limitations of it...especially around the holidays. But you know, maybe this is the best time for me to really get strict with myself, to really pull the reigns in. Otherwise, who knows where I�d be come December....280? I�m sending hugs and thanks to all my readers, who�ve continued to support me during these trying times. I�ve done more whining, and less motivating than ever before....yet you guys still stick by me. Although I�m not sure why, I do feel pretty lucky and very thankful. thanks. :) 1:06 p.m. - 11/19/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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