madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/13/02 For those of you who are interested, I found these two excerpts positively fascinating. These are accounts of real live people, eating real-live food they purchased from real-live restaurants. No wonder we are overweight. “I recently went on a trip to Scotland with my boyfriend and he introduced me to his local fish and chip shop specialty: A deep-fried pizza supper consisting of one frozen pizza, deep fried, which is then smothered in cheddar cheese and ketchup before adding a whole portion of chips, smothered again in cheese, salt and vinegar. The mix is then folded over and devoured! This delicacy is also available with a battered smoked sausage... just in case you are still feeling hungry.” “I'm sooooooooooooo embarrassed. I am an ovo lacto vegetarian and I consciously tend to allow a few extra sweets in my diet since I'm not eating the meat. (I am well aware that this is wrong.) Well last night while coming home from work I decided to stop in a new gourmet dessert shop for some coffee and pastry. There I discovered the Chocolate Mountain. Ready? It is a wedge of chocolate cheesecake (about 5 inches high), smothered in chocolate fudge and walnuts. It's topped with a scoop of rocky road ice cream and a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream and more fudge on top. Whipped cream and nuts on top of this. I left off the cherry so I didn't overdo it. I'm so guilty I'm drinking water all day today.” Wow. I need a glass of water just from reading that last one!! Whew! Sp. last night I caught the program on 20/20 with Jane Pauley (sp?) which interviewed t.v. weather man Al Roker. The title of the show was, “How I lost 100lbs”. I was intrigued, and found myself glued to the screen. Of course, 10 minutes into it, I found out he lost 100 pounds by having his stomach stapled into the size of an egg, then re-attached at the lower intestine where the calories he does eat won’t get absorbed easily. In other words – he had the famous Carnie-Wilson weight loss surgery. Disappointed, but with nothing else to watch, I couldn’t tear myself away. He documented his experience with a video diary that was filled with various poignant moments. One shot showed him 24 hours post-op. He was totally alert, feeling great, and in good spirits. Another shot showed a close-up of his doctor saying “The surgery was a complete success” and it was completed in record time. There was a scene in which he goes to the clothing store and buys an Armani suit off the rack…something he’s never been able to do before. There was another moment in which he describes his forgetfulness. “I have to remind myself to eat. I’m simply NOT hungry anymore.” And of course this video was peppered with hearty laughs and thankfulness and sighs of relief. It was a fucking fairytale. I watched with a kind of morbid fascination, and by the end of the hour I had a frog in my throat the size of Kermit. I turned off the TV and stormed out of the living room. It wasn’t fair. I’ve been struggling day in and day out with this uphill battle for 2 fucking years. At least the first year my hard work actually paid off. Now I’m stuck in a dream where I can’t run because my legs are wading through marshmallow air…and the bad guy is still coming up behind me~!! And there right in front of me, lies the answer. Literally in a matter of days, this guy – and millions of others – get to be free from this stupid burden FOREVER. It just wasn’t fair. I picked up the phone and dialed my friend. She answered and I immediately burst into tears. “I want to have bariatric surgery!!” I cried! Then I frantically listed all the reasons why I deserved to have surgery. I’ve worked hard and I’m not getting results. I’ve struggled and I’m exhausted and I don’t want to do this anymore. I want it to be easy. No – I wasn’t scared of the consequences. (a lie) No – I didn’t care if I was messing with Mother Nature. (another lie) No – I wasn’t afraid that I might lose all my hair, become malnourished, and eventually drop dead. (third time’s a charm) I talked (well, more like bawled and cried and rambled on and whined a bit)…and she listened. She talked and explained and empathized and comforted…and I listened. She’s a good friend. At the end of it all, I just wanted to go to bed and put an end to my rotten day. Nothing was resolved, nothing had changed, but at least I could put my thoughts to rest and pick it up another day. Today is another day, and I’m left with this odd feeling. Its like watching that program last night made this little impression on my psyche and I can’t shake it. Am I all wrong here? Am I stupid for trying to do this the “old fashioned way” when its been proven that this surgery has the highest success rate of any other form of weight loss? Am I shooting myself in the foot because I’m afraid of the pain or the consequences of surgery? Why am I struggling when I could be done with this whole thing in a year or less? Am I just being stubborn because there is a cure for my obesity right in front of me, and I refuse to accept it? I've always been against that surgery. I think there's something inherently wrong with re-arranging your body parts because you have no self-control. And now, here I am, wondering why the hell I'm not jumping on the surgery band wagon so I can breathe a sigh of relief, and laugh heartily and be ever-so-thankful that I'm finally thin. 2:44 p.m. - 11/13/02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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