madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Moving right along I spent the last part of November finishing up with school (got all A�s btw). Then December was spent packing for the move to the new apartment. The move was tedious and I basically did all the work. It is the busiest time of year for my hubby, with all the inventories due before the first of the year, so he was basically wiped out by the time he got home at night. We moved on Friday and have spent the last few days trying to unpack. The new apartment is great, safe, and in a more convenient location to transportation, but not grocery shopping. In the summer, it will be very easy for me to bike to the store for groceries. This is a good exercise-incentive for me. It�s also more of a walk to and from the bus, which will add on some extra steps to my day. (I need all I can get at this point!) In the winter, I�m just going to have to suck it up and brave the cold weather and not get more than I can carry 10 blocks. (I learned my lesson two nights ago!) I advertised on www.craigslist.com for a walking partner and found more responses than I know what to do with! Most of them want me to walk on the weekends though � which is great. But what I really wanted was a weekday morning partner to walk with before work. It�s hard to find someone with the same schedule as me, living in the same neighborhood, but I managed to find a girl who is willing to meet me 3 days a week (at 6:15am omigosh) and walk. This won�t start until my parents visit is over (they are coming for 5 days), but I�m anticipating this to be a good habit for me. My husband and I will walk the other 2 days a week. Cultivating or re-instating habits is a challenge. I�ve found myself reverting back to all my old ways, ways that serve no good purpose for me. I�ve groveled for a treadmill (my subscribers know what I�m talking about). I�ve went numb on week-long binges and then became sensitized again when my largest pants didn�t fit. I�ve given up for weeks on end, only to gain more weight and find myself unable to sit in a booth at my favorite restaurant. All these old situations have resurfaced, reminding me of the person I was�the person I never thought I�d be again. People stopped sitting with me on the bus again. Clerks are bitchy instead of smiling. Men walk in a wide arc around me on the sidewalk again � although I have never quite figured out exactly what they are afraid of. I feel uncomfortable in my clothes, in my skin again. And along with � of my wardrobe, those cute, supportive underwire bras that I bought are all in a box, too cutting to wear. My boobs are soooo heavy again � back-breaking. I�m having trouble adjusting to the weight of me again. Partly because it feels so awkward and partly because it feels so familiar. 5:27 p.m. - January 07, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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