madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- happy girl vs. depressed girl August 29, 2003 Being happy for 3 days in a row is unlike me�or at least unlike the person I�ve been for the past year or more. So immediately I begin to ask why? What could be the difference? Is it the passing from one decade of life into the beginning of another? (i.e. turning thirty) Is it the fact that my birth was celebrated and I was gifted with the company of friends and food and laughter? Is it that I�m in the home stretch of work and facing a glorious 3-day weekend? And then I remember that I haven�t taken my birth control pill for two weeks�.could that be it? I�ve been taking those hormones for 10+ years non-stop and it has to have some kind of effect on my system, right? Around this time of vocalizing my thoughts, my husband says �Don�t look a gift horse in the mouth, just be happy and whatever you do, don�t over-analyze the situation!� I laugh because it is at that moment I realize I�m analyzing. I guess its part of a Virgo�s nature to be analytical, to pick things apart, to explore all aspects of possibility. I just want to know why I�m happy�.so I can keep on being happy, ya know? It�s no stranger than that. So. I get on the scale today which graciously displays 280.0. I knew I was getting up there, and imagined it was around the 280�s. But the weird part was that I wasn�t totally devastated by it. I sort of shrugged and went, �oh well�. Some part of me (happy girl) believes that this isn�t a permanent thing and I�ll get my shit together and start moving those numbers back down. The other part of me (depressed girl) wants to tell me that I�m horrible for letting my weight go up this far and that pretty soon I�ll be over 300 again. Personally, I�m leaning towards the first gal right now. She seems alright. 5:13 p.m. - August 29, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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