madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- July 2, 2001 Well, it seems the weight loss fairy came this week and left a 1-pound gift under my pillow. That was so sweet of her, considering I was over my calories and under my exercise for the week. I know, I�m so inspirational and I set such a good example for the masses!! (Aaak!)
Honestly, though, this is getting harder. I knew it would. I guess I thought it would get harder LATER. I read Robyn�s weight loss chart at the bottom that says, �As long as I lose 10lbs a month I�ll be happy�...yet its been 5 months since she lost that much weight. I read this and thought, is she still happy, or is she disappointed every month? Knowing how hard Robyn works at losing weight, it invokes a little pang of anxiety in me. This will be me soon, very soon...dwindling down to 3 or 4 pounds a month. Will I have the willpower, the stamina, the mental fortitude and strength to continue - even when the numbers on the scale slow down to a crawl? I can only hope that I�ve gone past the point of no return. That I have no other choice, but to push ahead, even when it gets tough. I have to know that the alternative to being healthy is dying a slow, painful death by obesity and depression. I must accept without question that I am not, and will never be the same person I was and simply continue to move forward. Right? I had a really great weekend. I met one of my readers, Nancy, who lives in Portland too. She calls herself the friendly stalker, which I�m sure is meant completely benevolently! (Hi Nancy!) She has been so supportive since the beginning of my website, so it was neat to finally meet face to face. I spent Saturday afternoon running errands and shopping. Then I watched �Castaway� with Tom Hanks...what a movie! I was totally swept into the story, and completely dumbfounded by his courage and strength. I kept hearing the voice in my head say, �I would never make it. I would die.� That�s me, the pessimist, thinking I�ll never actually do it....whatever �it� is at the time. (like weight loss?) When 10 o�clock came around, I hit a nightclub, The Egyptian Room & met some friends there. I watched as they got progressively drunk and sang karaoke (sp?) until wee hours of the morning. My friend Patty sang a heartfelt version of Prince�s �Purple Rain�...something I couldn�t have lived without hearing, I�m sure. :) Sunday I grilled food with my neighbors, cleaned, read and watched a little t.v. I had a good weekend. Well, that�s it folks...nothing earth shattering today. I�m determined to keep my head on straight this week, and keep my goal in clear site. I can�t believe I weigh 303. I�m so damn close to 299. Which reminds me, how objective the whole weight loss thing is. Do you know how many journals I�ve read that start out by saying, �I was bursting from a size 18, and I weighed 200 pounds...� Now listen to me, actually EXCITED, actually LOOKING FORWARD to seeing the 299's!! I haven�t worn a size 18 since prom, my junior year in high school! At this point, I don�t know if I�ll ever see a size 18 again. But I do know that if I do - I�m going to be jumping for joy! July is going to be a good month for me.... there is 5 Mondays this month!! :)
12:26 p.m. - July 2, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||