madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- June 18th, 2001 Can you say, determination boys & girls? True, I worked my ass off for those 4lbs. But it felt so easy this time - and I�ll tell you why. This past week was a test. I was searching myself to find the depth of my dedication, my �faith� in my new lifestyle. I felt my grip slipping the week prior, like a sweaty palm slapping hard on the next rung of the monkey bars. My handhold on my diet was rigid but strained - struggling to hold onto what I knew was right. The idea of failing had crossed my mind, briefly. But in that instant, the thought that I might not actually make it to my goal, utterly terrified me. So I went to work. Willpower, resolution, conviction, whatever you call it - I don�t think it�s the key to success in life. I don�t think it�s the key to success in �dieting�, although I used the fact that I had no willpower for an excuse for a long time. I recall a certain conversation with my mother about this subject, after I had lost about 20lbs. I was whining about how hard it was to lose weight, how much work it took, and how I felt so denied of the pleasures of food. I told her I simply didn�t have enough willpower to continue day after day. She quickly corrected me by saying, �What?! Heather, if there�s anything you have in life, its willpower! I�ve seen you when you put your mind to something, you�re amazing!� I was surprised by her remark. �Really?� I questioned? I thought back throughout my life, and couldn�t remember anything outstanding. So, a couple weeks ago, when I felt my grip on my eating was slipping, I revisited my willpower. Why wasn�t my will controlling my actions? What was I doing wrong? I was going through the motions, for the most part. Why was I finding it difficult to stay on top of my calories and my after-dinner munching? I posed these questions to the one person that could answer them - me. And then I really listened. When the answer came, I wasn�t that pleased. But then, what did I expect? After all, I had done a pretty good job of reforming my diet, my exercise, and maintaining an accountability for my actions. But there were still some things that needed adjustment. For instance, every night after eating dinner and doing the dishes I�d plop my fat arse on the couch to watch any number of sitcoms....Friends, The Simpsons, Dark Angel, Boston Public, or Will & Grace.. This is how I�d end nearly every evening after work, which comprised of nearly 15 hours a week. Add it up. That�s 15 hours a week that I would have to do OTHER things that might actually move me towards fulfillment and enrichment in my life. So starting last Tuesday, I vowed not to turn on the t.v. after work. Imagine that I found the time to practice my flute, to work on a painting of a tree, and even to go for a light walk through the neighborhood after dinner. I found time to explore a beginner�s yoga video, and time to play catch in the yard with my husband. I found the time to sit on the back stoop and plan a barbeque with my neighbors, scrub down an outside patio table, and fix dinner for a friend. The second answer that came to me, was that I needed an attitude adjustment. I needed to start viewing my daily �chores� as opportunities for movement instead of being pissed about having to shop, cook, and clean. Getting groceries, I parked at the last parking spot and walked a half mile to the front doors. Inside, I walked briskly down isles that I normally �stroll� through. Instead of just abandoning my grocery cart after unloading my food, I actually returned the cart to the store!! (this was a first, people) I scrubbed my kitchen floor by hand - because I could use more muscle that way. I re-arranged my shelves relishing the chance to lift, bend and stretch my arms, with the weight of the books acting as my resistance. I took the garbage out, thankful at the chance to use the stairs. I didn�t even mind scrubbing two-years worth of dirt off the patio furniture, when I normally would�ve considered this a horrible chore. Am I sick in the head? Maybe. But in changing my attitude, it allowed me to view things in a different light. Not to mention how happy I was this week. I have never cared for housecleaning, grocery shopping or laundry. But its amazing what a little attitude adjustment will do for you. Leslie Sansone is always repeating in one of her walk aerobic video�s, �The more you sit - the more you want to sit. The more you move - the more you want to move! You gotta move!�. She�s right. I changed two things last week. What two things can you change this week that will help you reach your goals? 12:21 p.m. - June 18th, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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