madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- June 20th, 2001 This has been a few interesting days. Eating-wise, I've been damn near perfect. Exercise-wise, I've been to water aerobics two mornings in a row, followed by a 1 �� mile walk, so I'd say pretty good. But I've been in a bad mood. I'm fighting my doctor right now. My hair has been falling out for 9 months. I spent 4 visits with my PCP trying to discuss what could be the problem. I spent 6 months switching birth control pills to see if that would help. I've been sent to a dietician who said my diet looks great with nothing lacking. I was sent to another specialist who said, "Hmmmnn....I'm really not sure. I think you need to see a Dermatologist." Great. I saw the Dermatologist once. The man spent about 3 minutes with me and never looked me directly in the eye. He barely glanced at my hair or scalp. I brought in my vitamins designed for hair, nails & skin - which he only slightly paid attention to when I shoved towards his face. He asked questions but didn't really seem to listen to the answers. He declared "female pattern-baldness" was probably the reason, but he wanted to run some blood tests just to make sure. He ran the blood tests. On my second appointment, he said he'd just write me a prescription for Rogaine for women, because my blood tests looked fine. I questioned my TSH results, which were slightly above normal. He re-looked at the blood test like he was reading them for the first time. Then he slapped my file shut and said "I can't touch this. You need your thyroid checked. I don't do that." Again - Great. Another 3 minute appointment and no answers. Thanks for wasting my fucking time. Meanwhile, back at the HMO barn, my PCP insists that my thyroid isn't high enough to be causing hair loss. So, here I am, stuck. I tried to tell her that I read on the Internet how a person can be hypothyroid even if the TSH comes back within normal ranges. But she refused to listen. As soon as I mentioned "Internet" I could hear her voice turn cold. Docs these days just hate the internet - filling patients with all sorts of ideas. Why can't they just move along with the herd and be good little cows? Could I really just have female pattern baldness even though no other women have it in my family?? I'm depressed at the thought of being bald. I'm going to lose all this fucking weight and still look like shit. Why couldn't I have eyes like Sinead O'Connor - then I'd at least be able to pull it off? And now its past the point of losing just a wee bit of hair. I'm actually starting to get MUCH thinner on the top. Like when the sunlight shines through - you can see my scalp. You know, about 10 years ago I used to know a lady who had really thin hair. I mean, she had more scalp than hair. She looked so manly, no matter what she wore, or how much makeup she had on. And my eyes would always drift up to her scalp. I couldn't help it. (I was also 17yrs old, and not very life-savvy) I felt so fucking sorry for her. I remember thinking to myself, "God, that's the one thing I really couldn't deal with, if that happened to me. I just couldn't take it to be bald like that." Then I sat & thought of all the other things I'd rather deal with in life than being bald....broken limbs, a bout of pneumonia, cut off a finger... I just feel like there has to be a better explanation for my sudden hair loss. Plus, I have like 8 other symptoms of hypothyroidism! When I told my doctor, she just doesn't seem to believe me. So, I give more blood tomorrow so they can run more tests, so they can put me off again. I don't want to go outside of my insurance, because its so expensive. But I'm starting to think...Chinese herbalist? Acupunturist? Naturopath? ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME!!! SOMEONE!!! I'm so frustrated, and stressed about this. I've jumped through all of their damned hoops, now give me some answers Dammit! I'm not going to just accept that I have female pattern baldness based on an creepy Dr. (an obvious Hair Club for men client) who only spent a total of 6 fucking minutes with me !! So, now you know why I try not to write on days I don't feel very happy! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Thanks for letting me vent. 12:22 p.m. - June 20th, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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