madermouse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/2/01 I�d like to start off by saying I�m sorry....I�m going to poop out on all of you and NOT update the October Challenge page with all of your wonderful success stories! Why? Well, I went on a cleaning tirade and accidently threw away most of the e-mails I had printed out with your results... Then I went back to my in-box and realized that I had deleted the e-mails after printing them out, so I couldn�t recover them I am so sorry!! But congrats on those who did so well on their October Challenge, and thanks to Vicki who�s sponsoring the November Challenge. :) (thanks girl) Men.....they don�t suffer at the hand of PMS, and therefore I believe will never truly understand the role it plays in women�s lives. Especially when it comes to But my PMS said - fuck your diet. Eat what you want. It doesn�t really matter, because the scale is your enemy this week anyway. So what if you are up one, or even two pounds on Monday - WHO CARES!?!?! Lasagna good. Salad bad. Pie good. Chicken breast bad. It�s a very simple, atavistic, animal-lust type thing with PMS and food. There is no cognizant, rational thinking going on here...just pure �gimme that - NOW!� thoughts. I�ve been PMS�ing since Monday. It all began with that lovely cookie and chicken strip breakfast which turned into an eating frenzy... and my weight has been up on the scale every single day since then. I�ve struggled with my hunger, giving into it frequently. And my emotions have been a roller coaster... The past two nights I�ve canceled plans with friend�s.....for their own good! I�ve been a bitch, and I�ve been needy, and overwhelmed by every little thing, and tearful for no reason. Its best that I�m just alone when this happens...so as not to endanger anyone. (I�m joking about the endangering part but serious about the whining, bitchy, needy, tearful part.) And then today, something just �lifted�. I haven�t started the actual bleeding part yet, but I feel that I will very soon. It�s the strangest feeling. Its as if I wake up and suddenly everything just sort of slips back into place.... I�m suddenly satisfied with my oatmeal-fiber mix breakfast....no longer lusting for eggs, bacon, and cheese biscuits from McDonalds. The hours pass through to lunch without me eyeing the clock every 5 minutes to see when I can eat again. I�m not craving chocolate so bad that I�m dreaming up ways to consume the hot chocolate packets at the office. (i.e. - take a scoop of hot chocolate powder, dunk the spoon in hot water, insert in mouth...mmmmm chocolatey goodness.) Maybe I�ll actually make it to my goal this month, of 265? That number totally freaks me out....265. TWO SIXTY FIVE!! 2 - 60 - 5 two sixty five Did you know that some people start their weight loss journey at 265lbs, 250, 200lbs? That just amazes me. I�m f-ing proud to be sitting at 273lbs! Call me crazy, but I�m going to be thrilled to see 265, 250, 200.. Thrilled!! And I�ve read all these WLS journals where the women start off at 225, 250 - and get the roux en y (stomach stapling surgery) to lose weight! It just blows my mind! I won�t even get started on that subject here though, because everyone has to make their own choices. Besides, I�ve learned my lesson when I spoke my mind about our dear president....boy, there was a day I should�ve kept my big mouth shut. But honestly, I always read those sites and wonder what made them decide to go through all that pain instead of choosing to just eating healthy and exercise? I mean, I�d be scared to death to go through that traumatic surgery, re-arrange my innards, and suffer whatever future consequences may come as a result of it. It seems so much easier and healthier to really buckle down and change the way you live your life. But I guess there was a time in my life, that I felt it was impossible, I felt hopeless to ever change on my own. I thought I was simply to heavy to exercise, and too emotionally addicted to food to change my diet. I never imagined that I, Heather, could take my life into my own hands and make my own future... It was just about a year ago, that my aunt Sherry suggested that I look into that surgery...because she was worried about me. My, what a difference a year makes, eh? :) And, I�ll leave you with this. Last night my husband was robbed at gunpoint at the tavern where he bartends. The guy came in masked and carrying a nickel plated 357 Magnum, 6-inch barreled gun and pointed it at Thomas. The robber then told him, while pushing the gun into his belly, �If someone walks through that door I�m going to pop you, then I�m going to pop them. So I suggest you hurry this along.� He made a few more menacing gestures, robbed the place blind, and left without firing a shot. My Thomas came home at 3:00am, a little shaken, but otherwise unharmed. Obesity is a loaded gun, cocked and ready, pointed right at your gut. It�s a robber that forces its way into your body and steals your freedom, your mobility, your vitality and leaves you humiliated and limited. Life is so very precious. There is no better time to change, than right now.
1:03 p.m. - 11/2/01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||